We're having a BOY!  Honestly, I never really knew how much hearing those words from the ultrasound tech would mean to me.  Even after losing my firstborn son shortly after birth and having four girls since.  For JR, my husband, he was moved to tears at the news and told me how much he wants this for me.  I told him how much I want this for us.  The whole family is very excited - extended family included.   Though we would have welcomed a girl, this is a special blessing for us.  I know it will be different because of the feelings that emerged in me those several short days I had with my baby boy before he left us.  There is something special in having a baby boy - different special than having a baby girl.  A few days after receiving the news, I pulled out the box of boys things I have been saving since the loss of BP.  I have never much attributed those things as being his but they are somewhat tied to him naturally.  I was amazed that as it's coming on 10 years later that many of the things are classic and not out of style and they seem new still.  The reality of what it means to have a son of my own from birth (hopefully to raise) has been coming to mind.  He will certainly have lots of little mommies.  Even AJ, my full-time stepson who will be 16 years old talks of things he will do with his brother.  I respond by telling him that the relationship will be whatever he makes of it.  :)  I also think in regards to the boy toys and activities - perhaps different than AJ.  I think of the help he will be to his dad later on.   We are just getting serious about names.  I pray we have inspiration and will feel convicted in a name together. 

Homeschooling AJ is going well.  His scores are good.  I have been pleased with most of the curriculum I picked out and it is an amazingly free feeling to have chosen the mix of it mostly on my own with some inspiration from others rather than a set curriculum or choosing an online school. The Biology text is okay to me but not so much to AJ.  So we'll probably switch into something else if we continue next year.   I even write my own tests for that since they don't provide any.  For writing, I have written a few quizzes also.  I plan to have lots of fun and creativity in Geography though I understand that many don't give that subject much emphasis.  I can see how that could happen but I personally love Geography and all of it's components including some culture.  I plan to overlap World History with World Geography and Writing.  AJ is a good kid though in some ways he is the typical teenager in ways I wish he wasn't.  He has some strong negativity which I hope to help him with if I can.  This includes being negative about many small things.  He is often a good deal negative with his sisters though not always.  I know this is normal.  I just wish he could see that it doesn't have to be that way.  Thankfully, he's busy between working for Grandpa in the mornings and homeschooling in the afternoon.  But this negativity can come through in his attitude about his school work.  I don't appreciate it but I feel more concerned than affected I guess.  I pray for him and I plan to give him some tools though I don't claim to be much capable.  I pray the Lord will lead me and one tool I am starting to use tomorrow is giving AJ a weekly Scripture verse which I'll incorporate into his school work that week.  As I have mentioned before, there is great power in Scripture - after all it is the two-edged sword.   Plus there are great messages of truth and offer of healing.  I sense with AJ that though he has some strong moral and religious convictions about life, society and the Catholic or Christian faith, he lacks a personal relationship.  We could do more to cultivate it in our home but Jason and I bring in faith into life lessons which come up a lot and JR's story of his experience of Jesus is powerful.  I try to set an example.  AJ prefers many secular distractions and even currently rejects more Christian ones.  I guess when I was his age, I already had my conversion experience.  With JR, not so much yet but some foundation was laid.  I pray that foundation for true conversion is there and will take hold in AJ.  

Blessings

Pregnancy for me is never very easy though I have heard many stories of others who've had it much worse.  Still, I have had increased nausea and vomiting in the last week, regular headaches and fatigue.  I wonder how I'll ever get to some of my tasks.  Then after a rather rough day which included all of the above symptoms, I had a burst of energy.  The problem with this is that it was at 9:00 PM.  What am I going to get done at that time of day???  Actually, I was putting my girls down a little late and had a good amount of fun with them at bedtime.   Lately with all my symptoms, bedtime has been yet another task and it makes me sad that life is like that right now most of the time.  I decided I would simply enjoy feeling good once I said my goodnights and gave kisses, noses and hugs all around.  When I have had other energy bursts, I have gone for walks or really got a lot done around here.  It feels good. I thank God for those times of reprieve.  Ever since my first pregnancy I have said that I wish I could just hibernate for nine months - I'm halfway serious about this though I know that I really don't want this since I have children to raise.  I'm thankful that these symptoms lift when the babies are born.  The next day after giving birth, I feel "back to myself."  I almost forget what it feels like to be "me" during all those months.  It is actually easier for me once the babies are born. :)

Since my post last week, tensions have been lighter around here.  God is good like that not to allow things to be burdensome for too long.  I had to think why there was a change and it was actually - no surprise here - communication.  Naturally, an opportunity to parent arose that brought this out between me and AJ and then my husband, JR became involved.  Communication is key to easing tensions.  I have to remember this.  I don't mean nagging either - that's different.  I need to remember to not only pray in the midst of difficult situations which I was doing, but also pray for the divine opportunity for communication and healing. We'll see how the weekend goes.  :)

This week, I have been occupied with watching the Republican National Convention.  I continue to have hopes that our current president will be out of job after this election.  I also continue to have some reservations about Romney but I hope in him and continue to pray for God's mercy on our country.  I had to remind myself that as much as I watch politics, I need to be praying continuously.  At Bible Study, my mom pointed out that Billy Graham is calling the faithful of this country to fast for 40 days up to the election.  This would begin something like September 27th.  Though I am not in a position to fast, I am willing to give up something(s) and to make prayer commitments.  Perhaps others will join in this.  Fasting is a powerful means for the Lord to work and we cannot underestimate it.  It can be easy to forget in the culture we live which only reminds us from every angle of each and every last way of how to gratify ourselves.