Sunday, April 1, 2012

Temptation entering Holy Week

As shared in the previous post, I have experienced some graces and help during this Lent.  In fact, this has been one of the better Lents.  It is due to being committed to daily prayer, monthly Adoration on First Saturday, beginning Lent with Mass on Ash Wednesday and confession the following Wednesday and also finishing up an in-depth Bible Study on Jesus which has much personal application.  Additionally, I have been reading the book Consoling the Heart of Jesus: A Do-It-Yourself Retreat by Fr Michael Gaitley MIC since the onset of Lent.  This book is amazing and life changing and so down to earth as it is written for "little souls" as the author calls them.  This all sounds like a nice "laundry list" of good, essential things to do to have a good Lent.  But the reality is that despite this, these weeks have been still mixed with failings like the one mentioned last post.  Since then Grace has helped me in this specific area and I feel strength through your prayers.  But there are other failings.  I have come to realize that I am not making progress in the area that burdens me about my health, weight loss and hope for a better future pregnancy for me and the baby.  I am tempted to despair over my failings despite the grace to make better choices daily.  I still fail including to fully give up some things that I chose to give up for Lent.  But as the book above teaches, it is precisely at these times that we need to climb into the arms of Jesus.  This consoles Him rather than us hiding in shame.  He in turn offers us consolation, peace and help.  The fact is, we are sinners and will always sin no matter how close to Christ we may be.  We cannot give in to the temptation to despair.  So I pull myself up to make that climb but then remember what St Therese says about the elevator being Jesus and that we don't have to make that tough climb so instead I let him take me there to Himself.  

So what can this mean for this last, most Holy Week of Lent?  Maybe just in realizing more fully my dependence on Him, I will call on His Holy Name as I strive to do more for Him.  I will call to mind His Most Holy Face in the image of the Divine Mercy and say those words, I trust in You and allow Him to fill me with His Peace so that Love will flow between us. It is there that joy is found according to Father Gaitley.  

I am not even finished with the book yet but it's having a profound effect.  My husband has read a bit of the book too and has received some great insight and help.  This week I aim to forget myself and my sins and look to Christ and His great Love, Sacrifice and Victory!  Praise Him!