Pregnancy and my dad (Part 2 and update)

Too much time has passed since I last posted here.  I admit that I have been unsure if I would continue and I can't say what my future is as a blogger but for today, I feel some conviction to proceed for awhile.  Since my last post, we have been blessed with the healthy birth of our fourth daughter, HC.  She is now one year old and it has been a great joy to watch her grow and savor all of her littleness.  She is still little.  Though she fits into 12 month clothes, she has tiny feet and she is just now standing with the help of holding something.  She is the sweetest baby ever and her sisters and big brother love her tons.  The whole family does.  The pregnancy was pretty uneventful other than she was in and out of a cord wrap every few days at the end.  This made me nervous.  The day I was induced, her non-stress didn't go so great.  She was not very reactive and I was going to be induced a few days later but my OB thought it was time to go ahead.  I had an ultrasound previous to the test and knew I saw the cord around her neck though the technician didn't mention it.  I passed this info on to my doc.  Like all my babies, she was born fast and I pushed out fast.  Though she didn't cry right away, she was breathing and there was a cord around the neck just as I knew there was.  She was a pretty baby from the first moment I saw her.  She has had more hair since birth and through infancy than any of my others.  I was so happy she was out safely.  But, then they tested her blood sugars and they were low, dangerously low.  She ended up in the NICU. This was painful for me to go back into a NICU after what happened with my first born. I had to be strong.  The other part that was hard was though her situation was not so critical compared to many of the other babies there, I felt responsible for her having to be there because I have gestational diabetes when pregnant and I could've managed it better.  Me, who is very proactive in my pregnancy failed in this area and it was very hard to swallow.  I felt guilty and sad about it.  Thankfully, she was only in the NICU for a day and a half but it was still hard.  She had to be given formula to keep her blood sugar up.  I tried to express my colostrum and I did but it wasn't enough.  Therefore, when she was released from the NICU she had nipple confusion.  This lasted a good few weeks but I didn't give up.  I actually broke the rules and allowed her to latch on incorrectly if it meant her latching on at all.  And you know, she worked it out though I was sore in the meantime.  Everything has evened out in the scope of things.  Since her birth, I have been determined to lose a significant amount of weight to help avoid gestational diabetes in a future pregnancy but so far, I have failed.  I am exercising and try to eat better but only have lost several pounds.  It's better than gaining, I know but I need to see the change for reasons than beyond myself and I seek the Lord's help to "die to myself."  Being a homemaker, it's a lot harder to make food and not eat it than when I was single.  Somehow, I trust in the Lord that in His time, He will help me and I pray that it's before I fall pregnant again.  No, we are not done having kids even though we have five together that we are raising and I am now well on my way to turning 39 but I do hope have a good space between HC and the next one.  Family planning has been an area of growth for me too but I'll save that for another post.

The second part of this update is concerning my dad.  He does have bladder cancer and it is ongoing.  He has not reformed his life and still smokes to some degree which doesn't help things.  He also has developed emphezema.  This is on top of his chronic pain that he's had since his quadruple bi-pass some 12 years ago.  He is living a housebound life at the age of 63.  His quality of life is really lacking.  He recently finished chemo and had surgery and is recovering but today he was found to have an infection from the surgery and we're not sure what that's about yet.  My step mom, is good to him but busy with her work and now her mother has just suffered from a stroke leaving her also housebound.  She visits her every other day after work and on Saturdays.   My dad is in his own world which is natural for someone dealing with ongoing illness.  It is not the best situation.  With living out of state with a large family, I have limits on visiting.  I did visit last spring. I continually pray that the Lord will shower his healing Love on my dad and that he will accept and love Him in return.  It is difficult to know his spiritual state but I sense there is still work to be done and I pray in God's mercy, He will fulfill the good work he has begun in my dad. (Phillipians 1:6)